NEW YORK—Requesting the public come forward with any information they might have regarding the absolute bombshell, New York City homicide detectives announced Tuesday they were searching for a real knockout after discovering a long blond strand of hair at a murder scene. “We’ve asked all units to be on the lookout for a blond with the kind of curves that would make a man as dizzy as Schmeling after a one-two punch from Joe Louis,” said police lieutenant Michael Sasso, who stated that forensic technicians were analyzing a few fibers found at the scene that might have belonged to a slinky negligée, a tight blouse that doesn’t leave much to the imagination, or—if criminal profilers determine the suspect is the more sophisticated type—a little black number and not much else. “Our sketch artist has produced dozens and dozens of sketches of a real head-turner who’s got pouty lips, sultry eyes, and a set of gams that go from here to Poughkeepsie. If you spot a dame matching this description, we ask that you immediately call 911, and do not approach her. Seriously, don’t approach her. We already called dibs, buddy.” Later, while tracking down a lead, the homicide detectives reportedly got a real working over from a couple goons and were told to lay off the case by a heavyset man with silky, flowing locks of flaxen.
3 weeks ago